Dirty Sheets
by funsaikoneko
Summary: We all need someone to love, especially following a grave betrayal. Who better to provide this comfort than Sudowoodo?


Greg Heffley walked through teh trenches with a sense of evil. He was going to murder a woman tonight, whether she liked it or not.

_Heh heh heh_, _h_e thought. _I'm going to murder a women tonight!_

He basically just stepped out of the bar, and he was really drunk. Even the other soldiers were like _woah, this guys' drunk, and they staid out of the way because they thought Greg was goingg to murder them too._

Greg was going to murder a female because honor demanded it. He just watched his female wife Ash Ketchum cheat on Gredg with his borther Roderick, who implanted a baby inside of Asj. Roderick's manly sperm flowed out of Ash's womanhood like a waterfall of sin, and Greg saw it all. It was ingrained in his mind, and he would never forget it.

Greg stalked the trenches, wobbing like a Grizzly Bear. He had a very big gun in his hand (kind of like the purple SCAR from fortnite) and shot every woman in his path. They begged and screamed for their pathetic lives, but his bloodthirst would not be quenched until they all suffered their fate. Greg struggled to much for the female race to be back stabbed like a heavy with the brass beast equipped.

Byt he time her cooled down, he thought he had kiled a whole bunch of foids. Maybe like, 507. All of a sudden like, he was approached by a big brown stick piece of shit looking motherfucker.

"Hey there cowboy," the big brown stick piece of shit looking motherfucker said. "I saw you were out there killing women in droves. I can respec that."

The big brown stick piece of shit looking motherfucker spoke with a cowboy accent, and even smelled like the poop hole of a horse, as if he had stuck his body inside one.

"Well I'm glad I have your approval mr…?"

"My name is Sudowoodo, I'm a pokemon of sorts." He spit out a hge honkin piece of chew and it landed in the mouth of a waiting pikachu, who swished it in his cute cumslut cheeks before swallowing it next to a binaural microphone connected to the speaker system which broadcasted the yommy sound of the chew sliding down the pikachu's cummy throat and into his cum-filled stomach threatening to blow the pikachu apart because he was JUST SO FULL HNNNNNNG.

"This is pikachu." He kicked pikachu really hard in the stomach, and pikachu vomited cum and chew. Then all of a sudden pikachu had a miscarriage and a mini ryan reynolds came out covered in cum.

"Hello," he said. "Where is my family?" But no one could telly ryan reynolds where his family was because then pikachu turned around and ate ryan reynolds like the SNACK he is. Yummy.

"Pikachu I never knew you were a woman?" Sudowoodo said, obviously disgusted. "If I knew I wouldn't have cum in you so many times. Jeez girl. Boundaries." Pikachu laid on the floor, penis flopping madly all around them.

Greg shot pikachu a whole bunch because he was going to kill every foid. The black pill was real and Greg had ingested it.

"Now, I have a proposition fer ya pardner," said Sudowoodo, tipping his cowboy fedora and pulling his gun while saying "kachow."

"How would you like to be with a REAL man, seeing as how yer killin' all the femoids."

Greg had to give it a THINK. After all, slamming pussy was all he ever knew. Could he really get together with this alpha chad for sex?

"Who takes the penis?" Greg asked, death seeping from his big fucking dumb mouth.

"We both do~" Then Sudowoodo whipped out his massive, slobbering flesh pillar. It was bigger than Sudowoodo and he wrapped it around his body to show Greg.

Greg was wetter than an American soldier wading through the rice paddies of Vietnam. It was time for men to go their own way, and if that meant taking Sudowoodo's massive all-meat grinder into his tight virgin asshole then so be it.

"Pin me down and fuck me like a woman," Greg squealed, opening the vagina within.

Sudowoodo's massive green meat stick hardened like a rock, dwarfing the brown rock man in his entirety. He stumbled backwards because of how heavy it was, crashing into a woman and smooshing her like a bug. Blood was everywhere, so Sudowoodo sucked it into his penis, giving it more blood and making it even bigger. His penis really was massive.

Greg was tired of waiting for his lover's ass assaulter and hopped on top of his smeggy manhood, devouring it with his sexy and plump lips. He slobbered and bobbered, fingered and dingered, and even kicked the rock penis creating a generation before him, and a lot of cum came ou.t. Greg was like _mmmm I have to try that_, and licked it up off the muddy, blood-stained ground like candy. It was like molasses going down his throat and he started choking, but one thrust down his throat from Sudowoodo's ginormous fucking pokecock cleared up the blockage right quick.

The two proceeded to engage in a tug-of-war over the massive expanding dong, Greg's supple mouth disappearing it into his human body while Sudowoodo came everywhere.

_What a freak_ Greg thought, slurping loudly on the years of caked up smega under the stick man's Godzilla foreskin.

This went on for three full hours with neither side winning.

Sudowoodo plopped his big sweaty balls on top of Greg's balls and played with Greg's balls with his balls, making a tornado with all of the balls (because Sudowoodo has balls on his fingers too =P). Beofer long neither could tell whose balls were who because there was just so many. Greg got scared because he didn't know where his balls were, but Sudowoodo found them and put them back on for Greg. Greg will remember this.

"I think it's time I ravage your booty hole now," the slender man said, penis red and inflamed.

"I think you are right," Greg replied, scratching the massive scab on his gaper.

Sudowoodo flipped Greg around like a fucking mannequin and unceremoniously slammed his five dollar ten foot long into Greg's tight virgin poop hole. Because Greg was a virgin and never had an enema, there was poop _everywhere_. Especially after Greg fucking exploded because Sudowoodo's ten foot brick-layed avenger ravaged his entire body so badly it exploded all over the place. His eyes popped out like a cartoon where one of the characters falls for a pretty female and an awooga plays. His body exploded into gore a viscera the likes of which this dear old narrator has never seen in all 76.5 years of his god-forsaken life, even after a stint in federal prison.

Greg,s balls exploded like mice when you put them in your mouth and crunch down really hard. I mean like, holy fuck. The sudden rush of warm blood filling your mouth is absolutely wonderful, so imagine that but with Greg Heffley's swollen fucking nutsack, and that's what I mean. Sudowoodo gives Greg a red rose to symbolize the blood.

Sudowoodo's penis also exploded because pikachu had secretly implanted an IED in his urethra when pikachu was last told to climb up inside, and programmed it so that if Sudowoodo ever had coitus with someone other than pikachu it would explode. Pikachu really loved Sudowoodo from a young age. They were both neighbors, and always played with one another. Eventually things got sexual when Sudowoodo thought pikachu was a guy, and started ravaging him like a feral wolf. Pikachu was ok with this because sex was cool and Sudowoodo would (sometimes) fuck her in the vagina even though she called it a asshoel.

But that's not important because Sudowoodo is bleeding out because his infinite man-murdering meaty mauve meat slinging man clit was bleeding and cumming everywhere. There was so much cum and blood that it filled up the Earth ina matter of minutes, wiping out the old world order and replacing it with something new. No one would know that it was because of the noble sacrifice of Sudowoodo and Greg Heffley that the world as we know it began that day.

God bless the United States of America.

Fun Fact: the Yin and Yang symbol was actually conceived after ancient scholars found documents pointing to Sudowoodo and Greg Heffley's blood and cum as the source of the world's dirt. Blood is ying, and cum is yang.


End file.
